Sunday, May 8, 2011

:: Cintaku 100% ::

Kontroversi... mengikut roomate nak buat juga kontroversi juga la.. nak tau ape? Klik jea kt ctu. Dia lagi hebat bab2 mencipta kontroversi ni... hehehe...

Tadi ana mengajukan soalan kepada dia. Sambil tersenyum die berkata, soalan nih mesti ade pape.. hehe. merah pipi die. Tersengih2.. nak tau x apa yang ana tanya die.. yang buat die tersengih smpai sebegitu skali? Awak sayang saya x? Kalau sayang berapa percent? hehehe.. xdela gurau saje. plik pla bunyinya... ;P itu second question. First question yang ana tnya, awak sayang mak abah awak macam mana? dan bila dia menjawab, " sayang tu tak perlu nak dihuraikan... [setelah ana mendesak] banyak percent..... dri situ ana tau die anak yang baik dan sangat sayang mak dan abah die. Buktinya. Setiap kali balik bercuti. Tak nak balik kampus semula. Kami serupa. ^^

tapi yang pasti ana nk tulis tentang CINTA 100%.

Andai ada yang bertanya, berapa peratuskah cintamu untuk ayah ibumu?
Pasti jawapanku, 100%.
Andai ada yang bertanya, berapa pula peratus cintamu pada suamimu nanti?
Pasti jawapanku, 100%.
Andai ada yang bertanya, berapa peratuskah cintamu untuk rakan-rakanmu?
Pasti jawapanku 100%.
Andai ada yang bertanya, berapa pula peratus cintamu untuk saudara seakidahmu?
Pasti jawapanku, 100%.

Andai mereka bertanya, lalu berapa pula peratus cintamu untuk dirimu sendiri?
Pasti jawapanku, 100%.
Andai mereka keliru lantas tertanya-tanya, masakan begitu?
Bukankah setelah dibahagi, cinta itu pasti berkurang peratusannya?
Pasti jawapanku, beserta senyum malu-malu,
Ada satu di dunia ini, walau dibahagi seberapa banyakpun, ia tetapkan sama..
Tidak berkurang walau sedikitpun,
Itulah CINTA…

Anugerah paling berharga dari Yang Maha Esa.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

:: you forget, i forget , we forgot ::

Everybody forgets. It is normal.
The difference is the degree of the forgetting..


I have some hazy memories of events in my life.. Age may have done that to me. But sometimes the sad part is when it's a total loss of everything. Memory loss?

Recently I've started forgetting people's names.. i've started to have the long lost memory.... but see everything is playback. And it hurt. especially when being forgotten.. ooops..  Spoken about names, I can barely recall half of them if you ask me.

A friend once told me I have `selected amnesia' which means I choose what I want to remember and forget.. Hmm.. maybe.. But deep in the recesses of our mind, we sometimes do remember.. It's just what we decide to do with that memory that differs.. Either we brush it off as if it were unimportant, or we pause and take time to think about it and to remember it.

Then there are things we don't ever want to forget. A feeling. A face. A laugh, smile, touch or taste. A moment in time.

But as time passes by, what remains with us may be just bits and pieces. Fragments of a memory.And my friend told me that she always writes evrything like poems, short stories but as she grow up. All of these have never been done anymore.  hurm.. such a talented and creative ones but people change with time. Cannot blame anyone.

I love everything that i had now. I want to keep it till the end.If i was destined to leave, i shall let the memoirs keep safely and sealed. And I write this today to remind myself of what I will forget. To start cherishing people and things around me before they fade from my memory.... Hopefully not.






p/s: just a lil sumthin to make me happy today.  Stomach-ache. it hurt. T_T

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

:: I'm gonna be strong ::

here in life, i've leaarnt new things. Not only when we want something we need to lose something. But i've learnt that if you lose a things something yo get a things back.

the reality :)


Maybe it is worth. Nobody knows right? hurm... thinking about this. Actually the most important is to be ready to face everything ahead. Yup. I'm gonna be strong. yeah.. i can. ;).

My family, friends and Him is with you everytime and everywhere you need it, ana. Be confidence in yourself. " Be positive"~ a supportive one. Thank you dear.

The silence that we shared make my heart joy.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

:: If ....::

Boring with nothing to do. I browse my documents [bnyk sgt brg yg msuk dr pendrive, thinking of getting it arranged well la. ;P ] and found a poem that i used to creates with my late friends. A poems that never finish. i still remember the day that we started to write it. 

 

This just pop out from words that i've been saying to him. If and only if... and there he continued..


If and only If I have magic
I’d make teardrops delicious
I’d eat on the moon
I’d ride on a balloon
I’d make school funny
I'd went to Eifel Tower,
I'd make you cotton candy out of the rainbow,
I’d make today my birthday.........

[it stops here]


years had passed and now here i am, reading its back and i'm decided to give it an ending...

If and only If I have magic
I’d make dreams true
Dreams of love
Dreams of Paris
Dreams of you'
Dreams of having our friendship forever..
A bond that never fades ..
A smile that i never hate...
and of course a heart that i never meant to break...

If and only If I have magic
I’d make you see the one that i'm going to be without going through years..
I'd make you smile for all day long with my jokes and our laughter..
I'd make you here again with me..
to go through another years as life is never be the same like we had together..
Days with rainbow..
Paint with all colours that we had..
Shared stories... you are the ONe That never been replaced.

And my friend..

If and only If I have magic,
I want you to share my joy ..
my laughter, my happiness...
as now i'm having a friend that as great as you are and for your info..
he is she... ;) my BFF
she make me love her the way you love me
And only that way, i can make your dream come true [my happiness]



p/s: Let me say for the record that this was not intended for anyone. I was just using the words given and things that went around my head.. ;)

:: KCH 7 : Forgotten ::

salam. petang2 begini terasa boring pula. Nak mula study mood belum datang menjelma. ini ada satu cerita yang ingin dikongsi. 

**************************************************

this is a story about a girl. A young. A daughter of mom and dad. Being the youngest in the family make her become ungrateful. Everyday she always wants more from what she get. She always feel not enough or satisfied with what she had....  Things happened and change everything. and here are story from her point of view.


i can remember as if it were yesterday. when my family was so called "perfect". But something went wrong....

in my family there were me, my brother, my mother and my father. Mother was a school teacher. Father is a bussinessman. Brother was much older than me. Than meant he knew more than i did..  That mean he knew.... He knew that things were going to change.

i was told that father was going on a bussiness trip.
father : "watch out and take care of your mother for me".


no one told me... father would be gone... Forever..and that's the last word i've heard from him.

A week after father had left, mother received a phone call. Father had been in a brutal car accident. and was in critical condition. Hours later, we were notified. Father had passed away. Mother lost control of herself. She threw all the tings that near her.


one night i asked brother if mother was going to be fine.
me: " Is mom going to be ok?"
brother : Yeah, dont worry about it. she's just stress. Go to bad. "

from that moment i know that she wasnt gonna be fine. One day, mother went out. I knew that she wouldnt coming back. But we waited till nightfall. She never came back. And i've cried. A lot.

one evening, my brother and i take a walk. Then out of sudden my hat was blewn away by the wind, and when my brother tried to fetch it, a car crashed into him. I was shocked. There he was lying. Without no injuries. But he was unconcious. i rushed over to see if brother was okay. He wasnt responding. Next things, he was rushed to the hospital.

The doctor told me he was in what is called a long-term comma. I'm alone now. I dont have anybody....
anymore...

one by one, my family dissappered.

a happy family that i used to had
my father


my mother

and now here i am.. being alone and forgotten.

only now i appreciate things that already gone. ;(

I cried almost nights and days........as i want some LOVE. Love that i forgot to appreciate before.


p/s: be good and appreciate what you have. Even they were just friends to you. ;)

:: Orang yang rugi ::

usahlah kita menyombong diri, 
kelak kita jua yang rugi

:: hard decision?::

memilih satu antara dua :

dipersimpangan kembali. Menginginkan kedamaian dan ketenangan yang daku kecapi ketika bersamanya.


1. untuk pulih dari keadaan sekarang tapi terpaksa menerima 
   kemungkinan kembali kepada keadaan dulu..


atau

                       2. Menjadi seperti sekarang agar keadaan dahulu dapat dipulihkan?





p/s : Hasratku : memberi kebahagiaan kepada yang lain. Giving make me living. In life and in heart.

:: Biarlah ::


saya sayang kamu kamu kamu dan kamu ! hoho

selalu sahaja ana ingin membuat pernyataan sebegini. Tetapi ada juga teman2 yang tersenyum dan geli hati disaat ana menyatakannya. Sweet sgt katanya. ;P. Sebenarnya, ana tidak pandai dalam melafazkan sayang. Meskipun kepada keluarga. Apatah lagi sahabat. hurm.. walauapapun ana tetap menyayangi mereka sepenuh hati. Tetapi baru-baru ini ana berdialog sendiri. Kelapangan waktu membuatkan ana berfikir. Berfikir. dan berfikir. Semuanya kerana sayang. Ya. SAYANG. atau LOVE [english]
 




  pernah aku tertanya, sayangkah teman-teman kepada aku, keluargaku kepadaku, sahabatku kepada aku........... tapi aku terlupa untuk menanyakan pada diri aku. Sayangkah aku kepada Dia, ingatkah aku kepadaNya, sebagaimana yang Dia  ingat dan sayangkan aku. Ya Allah, aku terlupa dan lalai kerana hidupku aku hanya mencari cinta dan kasih manusia dan sedangkan aku begitu Kau masih menyayangiku hambaMu yang hina dan lemah ini. Kau memberikan aku kesempatan untuk bertaubat dan Kau telah menyedarkan aku tentang kesalahanku.. Aku bersyukur...







Walaupun kita nampak buruk di mata manusia, biarlah kita jadi yang terbaik kepada Allah. 'Pandangan' Allah itu lebih mulia dan penting daripada pandangan manusia itu sendiri...

ana mengimpikan dunia yang penuh dengan kasih sayang, tiada kebencian sesama makhluk, apatah lagi sesama kita yang bergelar saudara seIslam

ayuh sahabat,
sebarkan kasih sayang kepada dunia!!!


Love is something precious

:: it just never stops raining ::

i love when things are normal

hurm.. speakinng of rain and clouds. Make me remeber a story. A story that i've created like this moment. With the tranquility of the night. The coldness. it is unberable. [a copy paste from fb as i first wrote there]

wishing for things to get better

This is a story that i make for a friend of mine. To create a smile on her face and hopefully, it creates a rainbow to colour her days.

                **************************************************************************

Once upon a time, clouds and sun were best friends. They were always together. When there is Sun, there is also clouds. They never get separated. When sun in, clouds also in and accompanying the sun. When sun out, clouds also went out. but sometimes in the night, clouds went out to see the sun as it miss the sun so much eventhough they just get separated in seconds. clouds cant wait till tomorrow as its love to the sun is undeniable. Hard to tell by words or action.

one day, the sun and the clouds were fighting against who is the most important over all. In that fight, the sun was hurt by the clouds words as clouds said that without it people get no shelter from the heat of the sun, so itis more important. The sun didnt said anything to reply back. It was not in the mood of fighting against a small things. Besides, it used to tell the clouds about its action before.  But clouds not listen to any. Actually there are few things that the sun used to say, the clouds still remember about it but it never show it. It just let the word passed.

Since the fight, sun decided to give a lessons to clouds. The sun ignored the clouds when it comes in sunny day. Went in and out by not even saying a hi or bye.It does not reply to any clouds' questions. Then one day it disappeared. It is the clouds who at the end have been realize that there are problems among them that need to be solved. But clouds does not know how to do it. It forgot about the sun word and keeps wondering why sun run away from it and did not reply to any conversation. Then it decided to give the sun time as it thinks that maybe the sun has its own personal problems and need some time and space. In clouds heart, it wants to help the sun. But, it afraid that this only will cause the sun get away from it. Clouds really hate that. Clouds hate when they were always fighting. Clouds really miss their times together. Because that was the time where people love them as days are not too hot and not too cold.

Because of afraid losing the sun, the clouds cries. it cried night and days waiting for the sun. it miss the sun so much. the laugh, the voice, the screams and shout of joy, the jokes, clouds miss everything that they have been through together. When cloud remember their memories back, it smiles. And after that it cried again. Then one day, when clouds were crying , it heard a voice asking. The voice that it logged to hear from.

sun : why are you crying clouds?
clouds : just nothing (while shedding its tears)

sun: then why days are wet?, people now are running to find shelters, umbrellas.
clouds : they were running as they afraid of getting wet. it never stops raining.

sun: why it never stops raining ?
clouds : as i were crying.

sun : why you were crying?
clouds: actually i cried because i'd done something wrong. I hurt a friends feelings.

----- both silent ------
clouds : sun!
sun : yes clouds.

clouds : why you were away for so long?
sun : hurm, (not replying)

clouds : are you mad at me?
sun : No.

clouds : then why you were away?
sun : it is because I love you so much. I want you to learn to be independent. To take care of yourself first then others.

clouds : urm..... but....urm...
sun : i hope you get that. I just want to see you happy and healthy.

clouds : Owh, thank you. But i am not happy now.
sun : why?

clouds : as i lost a part of myself and my life.
sun : hah?

clouds : yup, you are my life. When you were away , there is a hole left in my heart. Yes, you are a part of me. when you were not here. i felt incomplete. When i'm with you, i be me. Myself. Thats my happiest things ever. Our times make me happy and strong. You are the reason why i am still here. Waiting.

Sun : ---- silent ----

Clouds : can we get back together? like we used to do before? i miss that.
sun : owh, ok. I also want that but it is hard to be told.

Clouds : Lets get back together.
Sun : yup, lets do it now.

When the sun and the clouds were back together, that evening there is the most beautiful rainbows that ever been created. It coloured the day and people were amazed with the beauty. The beauty is about the powerfulness friendship between the sun and the clouds. For being patience and understanding one another.


sometimes, this is what we called the strength of beauty

p/s : having you my friends is about having all the colours in my life. Thank you for being my friend. ;)

:: The Butterfly ::

i still remember of what my friends use to say , " Happiness is just like butterfly, when you chased it, it wull ran away for you. You just need to stop and wait coz then it will fly and rest at your shoulder. Kinda sweet kan ayat nih? My friends aka a girl, she always say this and even wrote it nicelyand put it up. But yesterday, i've been realize that the writings was put down. Dont know when. ;(. Maybe she kept it. so that it wont be missing or ruin with the atmosphere...


and tonight, i was awake at 4am when i fall asleep. Then thats why i had a thought about the butterfly and this is what i feel . right now. This moment.

the beauty





i was chasing a butterfly ,wanted to feel,
its smooth touch with my fingers ,
i wanted to bring its shiny color ,close to my eyes
SO i ran fast after it ,as fast ,
that i lost my directions ,i lost my home,
even left my shadow behind and became all alone ,
it leaded me to the desert, which burnt my feet,
it made me drink the acid lake,

it bluffed me with silk ,with a palace so high,
it betrayed me with jewel ,with beautiful smiley face ,
it teased me to take part in the lair race ,
it made me so tired , it made me so old ,
but each way to grab it ,was still untold ,
i fell on the ground and closed my eyes ,
i felt my body shake and unstable breath,
i felt my entrance in place like heaven,
filled with breeze and fragrance of  roses ,
i sat under a tree like never will raise again ,
and looked the graceful beauty around,
then i saw t
hat butterfly flying towards me,
she sat on my shoulder and whispered in my ear ,
welcome home dear ,where were you,
what took you so long to reach me , i was always in here inside you,
waiting for your call,
thank god you found me ,isn't it you found all.....


having no one to share, make me left alone


[its quite penin2 sket. spontaneoously. Hope you get the meaning.]

:: you dont have to lie ::

Not everything need a reason.. right? just want to share what i felt and what i knew recently.

When I don't love you, I never do. But once I did, I really do. And when things started to not work out.. thats the point right there when I don't know where to go. I guess I need a guy who can point me to the right direction (at least have a fair sense of direction lah kan), right there at that very turn. But then i've been realized, i cant live without you, someone who i called FRIEND. The BEST ones.

yup, for me . BEST FRIENDS is someone that hardly can be expressed by words. It is because you cant hardly expressed yourself right. Yup. did you get what i mean? "A BEST FRIEND IS ACTUALLY THE MISSING PIECE Of YOURSELF". [watch this video that i make special for my BFF].

see, now u can quess on how important a friend to our life right. But have you ever thought that if they ever been cheated or lie to you. Hurm, me? Not really. As i believe that my friends will never lie to me. But for me? hurm.. hopefully not. I hate liers. As when we've been cheated once, it is hurt. So badly. Till you can never spoke to him/her again.


spoken of these. Last two night, when i went to clinics. I met this lovely folks. that aunt asked me the purpose of being here all alone. and  i said i was waiting for my turn to be called in. waiting...and waiting... then the aunt asked me something that make me shocked.

aunt : anak nih da kawen blum?
me : not yet. muda lagi [sambil tersengih2]

aunt : owh, da ade org da?
me : blum lagi gak makcik. tgh blajar skg nih.umo x sampai 20 lagi. [my birthday in may]

and suddenly, the uncle that sit next to her said

uncle : anak, kalau nak cari org, cari yang baik2, kalau dah ada jaga diri. jgn jadi mcm budak2 sekarang. Dah hilang rasa malu. pak cik tengok org cina pun bercinta gak tapi xdela teruk mcm anak melayu kita.

me: *sigh... [dont know what to say]
aunt : lagi satu, jgn tipu mak ayah. Dosa! dengan boyfren sanggup nangis2 xtipu, jujur la. sbb sayang. tapi kalau tipu mak ayah, ingat x bahagia mana hidup tu nanti.

me : InsyaAllah. sy cuba jge yg tu.
uncle : budak la ni, ckp kt mak ayah nak keluar p library. alih2 nu p dating dekat pantai, air terjun, tepi tasik. pastu x taw jaga batas. Dua2. kepit2. ish2. pak cik takut dgn budak2 zaman la ni. kadang2 pak cik tgk , rasa nak marah anak org. Anak pak cik sendiri pun xtaw la macam mana. [muka pak cik mcm sedeyh]

me : btul gak kate pak cik. zaman sekarang nih memang susah nak cari budak2 yang baik. sbb tu la smpai sekarang saya tengah cari. [buat lawak nak ubah suasana]. haha [ketawa kecil]

they smile to me. ;)

the lovely folks went in first as my turn is few behinds. hurm .. sometimes i feel like the world is going upside down. Teenagers are willing to cheat/ lie with their own mom and dad rather that doing that wif their lover. hurm.. Love is not everything. if they are willing to dat, are they is accepted as His servant? That are liers to their own parents but stick to be honest honest to their not everlasting lovers? ;(.

hurm.. its ok to be in love but please dont lie to your family. Because in what ever situation later on, they are the one who gonna be with you forever. Not your lover.

Try to have a reflection, what if because of love to our lover we lie to our parent, and the next things happened our mom and dad feel sick or having heart attack for them to know that their boy/girl is no longer like the one they raised up. [fhm2 kan dengan situasi skrg ]



ya Allah, Kau peliharakanlah diriku, keluargaku dan sahabat-sahabatku daripada melakukan perkara yang membawa kepada kemurkaanMu. Berikanlah kami nur hidayahMu dan berikanlah kami keimanan yang utuh dalam menjaga maruah diri dan keluarga. Andai itu jodoh kami, maka Kau tetapkanlah hati kami dan kuatkanlah iman kami agar tidak membawa ia [cinta] ke jalan yang penuh dosa dan noda..
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Aku di sini..

Aku mula mencari titik mula. Aku mencari rahmat dan belas ehsan-Nya. Aku mencari kasih-Nya yang sempurna. Dan aku merasakan hati dan jiwa mula bersatu dengan diri yang hilang tadi, mulai tenteram.